Episode 003: Midlife Weirdness and Restlessness

Tish [00:00:00]:
Can we just talk about how weird midlife is for a minute? Because damn, I don’t know if it’s hormones being 50 or the universe screwing with me for fun, but lately I have felt completely disconnected, unsettled, restless, anxious, like I’m losing my mind. I have felt disconnected from myself, seriously questioning who I am, from my man, from what I want out of life, from everything that once used to just make sense, if that makes any sense. This is just such a weird phase of life that I am in. I constantly find myself catching myself thinking, what am I doing? What’s next? What do I, you know, want out of the rest of my life? Is this all there is? Just all these. I don’t even know how to explain it. Okay, so the best way I know how to explain it is, and I said this to several people recently, is that I literally feel like I could jump out of my skin. I don’t know if that makes any sense to you, what I’m trying to say, but when I’m trying to say that, I feel so freaking off lately, it’s just this weird. Again, the best way I know how to explain it is that I literally feel like I could jump out of my skin.

Tish [00:01:50]:
Skin. And while my brain is over here being all, you know, crazy, spinning out of control with all these earth shattering questions, my body’s over here doing whatever the hell it wants. Sleep. Oh, that is a fun game. Now it’s either a complete shit show where I can’t fall asleep no matter what I try, or I crash hard only to wake up at 3am Seriously, why 3am so drenched in sweat that I feel like I just ran a damn marathon. Which let me be very clear, I ain’t no marathon runner. And I never will be a marathon runner. I’m not a runner, period.

Tish [00:02:43]:
And then there’s the nights where I’m basically like a bear in hibernation. I’m out cold, drooling, dead to the world. There literally is no middle ground. I am. It’s one extreme or the other. And let’s talk about some of the other fun body shit that’s going on. My joints creak like old floorboards every time I move. The black chin hairs.

Tish [00:03:14]:
Oh man, have they ever multiplied like. Like the gremlins after midnight. Thicker, darker, longer, there’s more of them. It doesn’t matter if I pluck and shave every single day. The very next day, these damn wispy things are popping up all over the right side of my chin. Someone please tell me, why is it Just the right side of my chin. I mean, make it make sense. Oh.

Tish [00:03:48]:
And there is just so much more gravity. And the boobs. Oh, God. Oh, yeah. There is a lot of body changes going on, and I want to kind of get a little serious for a second. So all of this, the mental, the physical, the emotional, it really messes with our sense of self. Okay, maybe I should just say my sense of self, because I can’t speak for anybody else. I just.

Tish [00:04:23]:
It really has been messing with my sense of self for years. I was chasing. Chasing my son, chasing success, chasing happiness, chasing thinness, chasing whatever version of I was led to believe would make me happier. But now, once you hit midlife, I feel like the chasing just stops. And I’m standing here like, who am I when I’m not chasing anything anymore? So that’s where I’ve been lately. Restless, curious, a little lost, but weirdly hopeful at the same time. Not because I have gotten my shit together or figured anything out, because, hello, I do not have my shit together, and I have not figured anything out, but because I am finally starting to just let go and just remind myself that I don’t have to have everything figured out. I don’t have to have my shit together.

Tish [00:05:33]:
And. And what does it even mean when someone says they have their shit together? It’s gonna be something different for each and every one of us. I don’t think that this weird phase of midlife that I am in is a crisis. Why? Because I refuse to look at midlife like a crisis. I just think that this is the part of midlife where it is time for me and all of us to just start listening to ourselves, to, you know, start to follow our dreams, to start giving a whole lot less about what other people think. And I know that sounds harsh, but seriously, if you’re anything like me, you probably have been a people pleaser most of your life. You probably have always put everyone else first. And your dreams, your wishes, your wants, you’ve probably put them all aside to take care of everybody else.

Tish [00:06:37]:
Well, guess what? Midlife means we have less life to live. So now is the time to, again, give less fucks what other people think and put yourself first and start doing what you want to do. Build an intentional life that is going to make you happy. So if you’re feeling any of this too, the rest, the. The restlessness, the questions, the, you know, early morning exhaustion, welcome to midlife. This is a club that. I’m just gonna call it, like, the Weird Midlife Club or Midlife weird club or something. But, yeah.

Tish [00:07:25]:
I just want you to know that you are not alone. Midlife is weird. It is messy, it is confusing. It is emotional. There are, you know, plot twists, I guess, is what I will call them. But maybe weird isn’t bad. Maybe weird just means that, I don’t know, we’re coming alive. I don’t even know what I’m trying to say here, so I’ll just keep my mouth shut for a minute.

Tish [00:08:03]:
Okay. Well, if that wasn’t the most awkward way to end a podcast episode. Yeah, you’re welcome. One thing that you’re gonna learn about me is I’m awkward. And I am when I. Yeah, you’re just gonna learn that I am awkward. So that’s the way that I was ending the podcast episode on that weird note. So I just want to say thanks for listening.

Tish [00:08:29]:
If you’ve made it this far. And this was another episode of Midlife Shenanigans. Remember, snacks required, sanity optional, and snorts are encouraged. And if this episode made you feel a little less alone in this crazy face of life, Oz, awesome. Then I’ve done my job.

I will be back next week. In the meantime, please be kind to yourself.