Navigating the Weirdness of Midlife: When Everything Feels Off

Can we just talk about how weird midlife is

for a minute? Because damn, I

don't know if it's hormones being 50

or the universe screwing with me for fun,

but lately I have felt completely

disconnected, unsettled, restless,

anxious, like I'm losing my mind.

I have felt disconnected from myself,

seriously questioning who I am, from my

man, from what I want out of life, from

everything that once used to

just make sense, if

that makes any sense. This is just such a

weird phase of life that I am in.

I constantly find myself catching myself

thinking, what am I doing? What's next?

What do I, you know, want out of

the rest of my life? Is this all there is?

Just all these. I don't even know how

to explain it. Okay, so the best way I

know how to explain it is, and I said this to several

people recently, is that I literally feel like I

could jump out of my skin. I don't know if that makes

any sense to you, what I'm trying to say, but

when I'm trying to say that, I feel so freaking

off lately, it's just

this weird. Again, the

best way I know how to explain it is that I literally feel like

I could jump out of my skin. Skin. And while

my brain is over here being all,

you know, crazy, spinning out of control

with all these earth shattering questions, my body's

over here doing whatever the hell it wants.

Sleep. Oh, that is a

fun game. Now it's either a complete

shit show where I can't fall asleep no

matter what I try, or I crash hard

only to wake up at 3am Seriously, why

3am so drenched in sweat

that I feel like I just ran a damn marathon. Which

let me be very clear, I ain't no marathon

runner. And I never will be a marathon runner. I'm not a

runner, period. And then

there's the nights where I'm basically like a

bear in hibernation. I'm out cold, drooling,

dead to the world. There literally is no middle

ground. I am. It's one extreme or the other.

And let's talk about some of the other fun body

shit that's going on. My joints creak

like old floorboards

every time I move. The black chin hairs.

Oh man, have they ever multiplied

like. Like the gremlins after midnight. Thicker,

darker, longer, there's more of them. It

doesn't matter if I pluck and shave every single day. The

very next day, these damn wispy things

are popping up all over the right side of my

chin. Someone please tell me, why is

it Just the right side of my chin. I mean,

make it make sense. Oh. And

there is just so much more gravity.

And the boobs. Oh, God.

Oh, yeah. There is a lot of body

changes going on, and I want to kind of get a

little serious for a second. So all

of this, the mental, the physical, the emotional,

it really messes with our sense of self.

Okay, maybe I should just say my sense of self, because I can't

speak for anybody else. I

just. It really has been messing with my sense of self

for years. I was chasing.

Chasing my son, chasing success, chasing

happiness, chasing thinness, chasing

whatever version of I was

led to believe would make me happier. But

now, once you hit midlife, I feel like the chasing

just stops. And I'm standing here like,

who am I when I'm not chasing anything

anymore? So that's where I've been lately.

Restless, curious, a little lost,

but weirdly hopeful at the same time. Not because I have

gotten my shit together or figured anything out,

because, hello, I do not have my shit together, and I have not

figured anything out, but because I

am finally starting to just

let go and just remind

myself that I don't have to have everything figured out. I

don't have to have my shit together. And. And what does

it even mean when someone says they have their shit together?

It's gonna be something different for each and every one of

us. I don't think that this weird phase of

midlife that I am in is a crisis. Why?

Because I refuse to look at midlife like a

crisis. I just think that this is the part of

midlife where it is time for me and

all of us to just start listening to ourselves,

to, you know, start to follow our dreams,

to start giving a whole lot less

about what other people think. And I know that sounds harsh,

but seriously, if you're anything like me, you probably

have been a people pleaser most of your life. You probably have

always put everyone else first. And your

dreams, your wishes, your wants, you've probably put

them all aside to take care of everybody else.

Well, guess what? Midlife means we have less

life to live. So now is the time

to, again, give less fucks what other people think

and put yourself first and start doing what

you want to do. Build an intentional life

that is going to make you happy.

So if you're feeling any of this too, the rest,

the. The restlessness, the

questions, the, you know, early morning

exhaustion, welcome to midlife.

This is a club that. I'm just gonna call

it, like, the Weird Midlife Club or Midlife weird club

or something. But, yeah. I

just want you to know that you are

not alone. Midlife is weird.

It is messy, it is confusing.

It is emotional. There are, you

know, plot twists, I guess, is what I will call them.

But maybe weird isn't bad. Maybe

weird just means that, I don't know, we're

coming alive. I don't even know what I'm trying to say

here, so I'll just keep my mouth shut for a

minute. Okay. Well, if

that wasn't the most awkward way to end a podcast

episode. Yeah, you're welcome.

One thing that you're gonna learn about me is I'm awkward. And

I am when I. Yeah,

you're just gonna learn that I am awkward. So that's the way that

I was ending the podcast episode on that weird note.

So I just want to say thanks for listening. If you've made it this far.

And this was another episode of Midlife

Shenanigans. Remember, snacks required,

sanity optional, and snorts are encouraged.

And if this episode made you feel a little less

alone in this crazy face of life,

Oz, awesome. Then I've done my job.

I will be back next week. In the meantime, please be kind

to yourself.