Permission to Feel During the Holidays

Hey there, my midlife friend. I am so glad that you're here with

me today. This isn't going to be a long episode and I don't

have advice or, you know, 10 things to do to feel

better this holiday season. I just want to sit with you for a

few minutes because Christmas, the holidays,

they can be a lot. And not always in

the sparkly, fun, magical way

that people, quote, unquote, expect them

to be. As I'm recording this, I am sitting in bed,

wrapped in all the cozy things. My fuzzy socks, my

fuzzy jammy pants, my favorite sweatshirt, my

fuzzy blanket with Christmas vacation playing in the

background, and my dog curled up next to me. All

the cozy things. And yet Christmas

feels really different this year.

And I've been noticing that feeling in myself,

but also in people around me. Where I live here

in the Pacific Northwest, we have had a rough few

weeks. There has been flooding. There has been

mudslides, power outages. People have lost

their homes. People are displaced because of flooding.

They may not have lost their home, but, you know, because of the flooding where

they are, they're displaced. There's just a lot of

people trying to figure out what Christmas even looks like

right now. I have friends who are grieving parents this time

of year. I have, you know,

people that I know that are going through some

really big, unexpected life

transitions, and they just don't

really give a shit about the holidays this year. And I

get that. And that's kind of where I'm at right now.

So I have this internal conflict going on. I have a

warm house, power on. And by the way, when you

lose power, when it comes back on, it sure

makes you a whole hell of a lot more grateful for it.

And just a reminder how much I take it for granted. When we

always have it, I am safe, I

am comfortable. I'm feeling grateful.

But I also feel weird about it. It's

not quite a guilty feeling, but kind of

close. It's just I feel off where

I don't know what to do with myself because I'm

okay, but not everyone else around me is.

And I know how hard it is for me to let myself

feel good when there is so much pain and

suffering and shit going on around me. Like,

who am I to enjoy this moment? Who am I to relax?

Who am I to feel excited about anything? Even

though I know that I can't carry all

of that pain, it is still really hard.

And really, I think a lot of

us walking around this, this holiday season

are feeling maybe things that we don't feel like we're quote unquote

allowed to feel. So if you're sad,

you think you should be more grateful. If you're

okay, you think you should feel worse. If you

are joyful, you feel guilty. If

you're numb, you feel broken. There's just a whole

lot of things going on

that from conversations I've had, including, you

know, just how I'm feeling myself, there is just

so much pressure to feel the quote

unquote right thing at the quote unquote right

time. And I just want to gently say this.

You have permission to feel

whatever the fuck you're feeling. You don't need to

justify it, you don't need to explain it, you don't need

to compare it to anyone else's situation. Your

nervous system does not care what the calendar says.

I'll give you a small example from my own life. So I

thought my Christmas gift from my fiance, a three

night, four day beach trip to the Oregon coast, was

canceled because when we had originally looked at where I was

going, it had looked like there was a lot of flooding in that

area and there was a big mudslide. But we

just recently found out in the last couple days that

the route that I'm taking and the

beach area that I'm going to, the hotel that I'm going to, it is

not affected by that flooding or that big

mudslide. So my beach trip is on.

So I leave Friday morning to head out

for my favorite place, the beach. And for a

split second I let myself feel that excitement.

But then immediately I shut that excitement

down and I told myself, nope, you can't feel excited.

This feels wrong, it feels insensitive, it feels

inappropriate. And I had to notice that. How

quickly I took joy away from myself.

How quickly I decided I wasn't allowed

to be excited. Not because it's wrong, but

because right now, joy and

excitement, it just feels really complicated.

And here's where compassion and self love come in.

I the kind, the kind of self love

and compassion that says

this is how it feels right now. I don't have to

perform anything. I'm allowed to enjoy what

feels good and care deeply about others.

I'm allowed to feel heavy without

trying to fix it. Self love sometimes

to me is just giving myself,

quote unquote, permission to feel what I need

to feel. So if you're listening to this and

Christmas feels magical, let yourself have

that. Let yourself bask in that magical

excitement. If it feels heavy or

lonely or disappointing or just law

this year, let that be okay, too. You don't

need to make this mean anything.

You don't need to wrap, you know, the

holidays up in a bow. You don't need to force

joy or gratitude or cheer.

You're allowed to meet yourself exactly

where you are right now in this moment.

I am sending you so much love and

virtual hugs this Christmas.