The Power of No (walking away from an opportunity)

Well, hello there, my gorgeous midlife friend. Welcome

back to another episode of Midlife Shenanigans with

Tish. Where snacks are required, sanity

is optional, and snorts are encouraged.

So I sort of did a thing and

then, well, I sort of quote unquote

undid a thing. And I want to tell

you why this whole situation surprised

me. It confused me. But then

it finally made something really clear to

me. That saying no is sometimes the most

powerful thing that we can do. But before I

jump into all of that, there are two things that I

need to share with you so that the rest of this

actually will all make sense. So. So, number one

is I used to be huge into the

body positivity movement, the body

positivity community space. I was a huge body

positivity advocate. Hell, I was known as

the body positivity fairy godmother. So that should give you

a little bit of an idea when I talk about how

this was just a huge part of my life. And

as the body positivity fairy godmother, I was all

about preaching that you could not be body positive and

choose to lose weight. But as my own

personal opinions and thoughts

and beliefs began to change over the last,

like, year, because I've grown and I've evolved. But as

all of this is happening, my beliefs and thoughts are

radically changing around all of the body

positivity stuff and the messaging that I used to

scream from the rooftops. And I

ended up coming to a

belief that you can be body positive and choose to

lose weight. It all basically boils down to body

autonomy. We know our body's best. We get to choose

what we do with our bodies. Nobody else can

choose that for us. As I moved into more of

the midlife topics that I wanted to talk about, the

body positivity stuff still is going to take

a big role in that because I'm all about midlife

confidence and self love and, you know, a positive body

image and accepting your body and stuff that all falls into

that. So that's the first thing that I

wanted to share with you. The second thing that I wanted to share with you

is very recently I was

to bring, and I pulled out my journal and two

things that I jotted down were, one, I wanted

more visibility and two, I wanted more

opportunities to say yes and even if I'm scared. So

I wrote this down in my journal, I claimed it, I put it out there

for the quote unquote universe. And damn,

I am not kidding you, when apparently that is all the

universe needed, because all of a sudden, out

of freaking nowhere, I get an email

message. And this is where today's

episode is going to take us. So let me set the current

scene. So this past Thursday, I opened

my inbox and I was expecting the normal digital

inbox chaos that generally is my

inbox every day. But lo and

behold, there is this email that sticks

out like a sore thumb. The reason I say

it's sticking out like a sore thumb is because the subject

line says, casting interest,

Jubilee Medias surrounded. And then in parentheses it

said, body positivity. Now, I am going to read the email with

you, but I'm going to leave the gentleman's name out because I'm not sure

if I should be sharing that. This company is

a YouTube channel that has 10.5 million plus

subscribers. So in the world of

YouTube, you could say that they're a pretty big deal. Okay, so here

is the email. My name is and I'm the casting

producer at Jubilee Media. We're currently casting an

episode of our show Surrounded that will feature one

fitness personality versus 20 body

positivity advocates. My hope is that this episode

is able to explore the the intersectionality of

body acceptance with a broader conversation about

wellness discrimination and the culture around

body shaming. The fitness personality in the

center has been critical about body positivity in the

past, so I want to make sure that we have strong,

knowledgeable voices in the debate

conversation. Now, this is where the email got interesting and

exciting to me. I've been reading and watching

some of your content, and I really think that you'd bring

a lot of nuance to this episode. I appreciate

your openness about how you've reconciled the idea

of weight loss with body positivity. And I really think coming to

terms with that balance will be critical to this conversation.

The rest of the email just goes on to say that you, you know,

the date that the filming takes place, where

the filming will take place, to let him know if I'm open to

chatting more. There is like an

application that I can fill out be, you know, below, blah, blah, blah.

So I, I was excited

and my initial gut reaction was,

hell no. Just no if, ands or buts.

This is a no because it's scary.

I mean, this is like I said, a big YouTube

channel, and I was just

like, nope, nope, nope, not happening. And then when

I read where they were doing the filming for this,

it's in Los Angeles, I'm in Vancouver, Washington. So I

was like, oh, I can't afford to just hop on a plane and fly into,

you know, Los Angeles for this. Well, as I read, you know, the

rest of the email, they did say that it is an unpaid

social opportunity, but there is a travel

stipend. Stipend. I'm not sure how you say that. So I was like,

okay, well there goes that excuse. Because if they cover

a plane ticket, I can't use that as an excuse.

So then I did some research.

Now I was already familiar with this company, this

YouTube channel, because I have seen

some of their content because they have done some

episodes on like body positivity and

fat versus Fitness. Like they've just done

some topics that I was interested in and had

watched those. However, this particular

format, the show that they're calling surrounded

with, where it's, you know, one person versus 20,

I was not familiar with this. So I clicked through

to the channel and watched

some of these shows.

And there was just something that felt

off to me. I couldn't quite

explain it. My, like the first thing that when I watched a

couple of these was, oh, this is like musical chairs minus a

whole lot of chairs. Because the way they run

these shows is they have the one main

person, whatever that person may be. In this case it would be the

fitness personality. And then they have the 20 other,

you know, whatever they are. In this case it would be like the body

positivity advocates. And the way it works is

that fitness personality would share something.

And then out of the 20 of us, body positivity

advocates that would be there if I even got cast. Because

even though he reached out to me, there is still an application process.

And that's not to say that I would be cast. But

those 20 of us that are there, if we wanted

to debate or have a conversation with this fitness

personality, we, we would all have to race towards that

one other chair that is sitting at the table

across from this fitness personality. And

the first person that reaches this chair is the person that has

the opportunity to sit down and have this debate slash conversation

with this fitness personality. And I was just like,

that just seems like a whole hell of a lot of chaos.

And there was also that little part of me that, you know,

remembered when I was younger and I used to play musical chairs and I was

like, oh, that was fun. But in this case, as a 50 year old woman

who has some pretty, you know,

opinionated thoughts and opinions about this stuff and

with and share these thoughts and opinions and debate or have a

conversation with this person, the fact that I would have to

race my ass off to reach this chair, and to be

the first one to actually touch the chair, to be able to even

share my thoughts and opinions, I was just like, something

doesn't feel right. So I kind of went about the rest

of my day and I was thinking, am I really just

saying that I'm a no because I don't like the format,

or am I really just telling myself that I'm a no because

this is a case of I, I'm freaking scared out of my damn mind.

And I kind of chewed on that. But there was still just something

that was settling in my gut, that

instinct, I guess, that I just didn't like it.

I ended up having another conversation with a friend who

I had actually had a conversation with earlier in the

day after reading this email, because I was excited that

this, you know, casting person

specifically reached out to me. Like, I.

I was like, wow, that. That's impressive. That's cool.

Somebody actually thinks that, like, my opinions and my thoughts

could bring something important to this conversation.

So I was telling her about it, and then I had a conversation with her

later in the day to let her know. I can't figure out

if I'm just using this format

as an excuse to say no because I'm scared.

And I don't remember if I, like, specifically asked her

opinion about this format or if she just gave me her

opinion, but she said, honestly,

to me, this format feels

disrespectful to the 20 people that would

be there. And I was like, oh, my gosh, it's does

feel disrespectful to want these

people to have this conversation with

this fitness personality, this debate, but yet you're going

to make us race against each other to get to a chair

to, you know, have this opportunity to share our thoughts and

opinions like that. That

is just. That does not sit right with me. And until

she said disrespectful, I hadn't, you

know, put a word to what felt

off. But I was like, yeah, that's it. It does

feel disrespectful. I am, you know,

that's obviously my opinion and my friend's opinion. Other

people probably do not think that this is disrespectful

because, hello, they have done a shit ton of these shows

already where it has been just like this. And

if somebody else had thought it was disrespectful, I don't think that they

would have, you know, went and done it.

But, yeah, I just realized that I'm a hell

note that now the videos of Theirs that I had

watched, that I really enjoyed, I would be a hell

yes to that format

type of show. So if an opportunity ever

arose for that specific type, then again, I

would be a hell yes.

So the reason that I wanted to share all of this

with you is because.

I promise that I'm leaving you with something that I think is important

today. A lesson. And the lesson

is that I think sometimes the

most empowering thing we can do is

to actually say no. In my

case, this was saying no to something that I quote,

unquote manifested something that I did

by being active in writing down these things

unquote, undid it by saying no. But

if we listen to our gut, our instinct, our

intuition, whatever the hell you want to call it, we

always know we know best. And

if there is one thing that I have, you know, learned

these 50 years of life that I have under

my belt, it's that the times that

I have not listened to my gut or my intuition or my

instinct, again, whatever you want to call it, those

times generally did not turn out well.

So when we listen to our gut and we

say no to something that does not feel aligned,

that is powerful. A no

rooted in self trust is

powerful as hell. If something shows

up in your life that sounds

good and exciting and fun and it helps you,

you know, reach goals that you want or is something that could

help you become the person that you want to be, or

whatever, whatever the case may be if it shows up,

but your gut whispers no,

please, please, please trust

that instinct. Because you know, you're not

missing, you know, your moment.

You are saying no

from a place of self trust. And again, a no rooted in

self trust is powerful as hell. And

honestly, the opportunities that are

truly aligned, the ones that honor the work

you're doing or, you know, the person that you want to be or the person

you're becoming, they don't require

you to sprint towards a folding chair.

At least in my case, it does not require me

to sprint towards a folding chair. Well, there you have it.

Another episode of Midlife Shenanigans with Tish where

snacks are required, sanity is optional, and

snorts are encouraged. If you liked this episode, please

leave a review and share it with with another midlife sister.

That is the way that you can help me get the show in front of

other middle aged women. And I would be so thankful.