Why I Went Quiet (& What I Discovered in the Silence)
I’ve been quiet lately.
Not because I didn’t have anything to say (I always have somethign to say LMAO). Not because I was suffering from burnout or boredom. Instead, I was… in a pause I guess is the best way to say it. I spent a lot of time journaling, doing some inner work, asking myself what next. It was also during this time, I gave myself permission to admit I had outgrown something. And if I’m being honest, I had known this for a while I just wasn’t willing to admit it.
But damn, letting go is hard! Especially when the thing you’re holding onto is something you built. Something people recognize you for. Something that once felt like truth.
That’s where I was.
Outgrowing the Old Story
Plus size confidence was a great space where I explored all things body positive and unapologetically taking up space in a fat body in a world that says fat bodies shouldn’t exist. The Body Positive Fairy Godmother was a persona I took on that stemmed from being a little girl who would cry herself to sleep wishing she had a fairy godmother to wave her wand and make her skinny (so I built the body positive fairy godmother to… heal that inner little girl & to encourage other plus-size women that their bodies weren’t broken – need fixing – it was society’s bullshit standards.)
But both of those stopped feeling like my space – my vibe. Yes, I still believe in body positivity and that every human being is worthy just as they are. And of course I still love me some sparkle ;-).
BUT…
Who I Was (& Who I’m Becoming)
the version of me who started that brand? Oh how she’s changed. Evolved. Things that were once “truths” no longer are.
And I wasn’t allowing myself to evolve with her. Instead, I stayed stuck in the story I thought I had to keep telling. I told myself I had to stay consistent (and that’s a joke because one of my greatest weaknesses is consistency!). Not confuse people. Don’t rock the boat.
But it finally hit me, during this time of pause, a truth I didn’t want to ignore any longer:
Just because something once fit, doesn’t mean it still does.
And when it stops fitting? That’s OKAY! You are allowed to take it off. You are allowed to change. You are allowed to write a new story even if the old one was good. Even if it helped people. Even if you’re scared of what people will say.
Reinvention is not betrayal. Reinvention is sacred. Reinvention is honoring yourself.
A Journal. A Beach. A Big Truth
I wrote those words in my journal on the beach one day, staring at the ocean with tears rolling down my face. I realized I didn’t want to be a persona anymore. Even though the body positive fairy godmother was me, it wasn’t me (if that makes sense). I didn’t want to be boxed into body positivity or plus size confidence any more because I had changed so much that a lot of my messaging no longer fit – no longer aligned with the woman I had become/was becoming.
I wanted to be Tish. I wanted to talk about midlife with all its freaking… adventures we’ll call ’em ;-). I wanted to show what “real” midlife looks/feels like (and there’s one thing that will never change – my realness/authenticity in how I show up; raw, vulnerable, messy, imperfectly perfect).
Midlife Me is Done Playing Small
I wanted to talk about health stuff, hard stuff, hilarious stuff. I wanted to explore desire, purpose, pleasure, power. I wanted to write and speak and share in a way that felt wild and wide open. I wanted to tap into my inner rebel because she has been wanting to come out to play more and more!
So I did the scariest and most freeing thing I could do:
I STOPPED ASKING FOR PERMISSION!
And did what I had been feeling for a bit – to ‘burn’ it all down (the old brand, persona, etc.) and start ‘fresh’. So, I decided to ditch plussizeconfidence.com and move over here. Yes it’s technically another rebrand but I see it as so much more significance than that – I feel like it’s a reclaiming of myself, parts I’ve pushed down, etc.
This is my space now to talk about whatever the hell I want. To evolve and change – sometimes it may be out loud, sometimes it may be another quiet pause. This is my space to live midlife out loud – on MY terms, not society’s or anyone else’s expectations. This is my space for no more personas – just ME, Tish.
Your Turn Gorgeous!
And maybe that scares you because you’ve been feeling it too.
Maybe there’s something in your life right now that no longer fits, but you keep trying to squeeze yourself into it anyway. A relationship. A job. A dream that used to light you up but now feels heavy as hell.
If that’s you? Here’s your permission slip: You get to change. You get to evolve. You get to stop “performing” and start listening inward. You don’t need a roundtable of approval. You don’t need to wait for a breakdown/burnout, etc. You just need to know this:
Midlife isn’t a crisis! It’s a comeback, self-reclamation, an invitation, a freaking calling! To live louder. Show up bolder. Take up space unapologetic AF because that’s what a midlife rebel does 😉 But most importantly? To do life on your own damn terms.
And the story you’ve been telling? It doesn’t have to be the story you keep living.
So here’s to the sacred pause. The messy middle. The bold reinvention.
I’m walking this next chapter wide open and I’d love for you to join me – we can be midlife rebel besties 🙂
Let’s go.
Hugs!
-Tish, Midlife Confidence & Empowerment Instigator
