Why Being ‘Too Much’ Is Actually Your Superpower

Hey there, my gorgeous midlife friend. Welcome back to

another episode of Rambling Tish.

Or no, I mean midlife shenanigans with Tish.

Hey, did you know that November 24th was

celebrate your unique Talent day? No.

Well, it was. Now I think this is a cute

holiday and I love the idea behind it,

but it sure as hell sounds like it was created by someone

who can ride a unicycle while juggling

bowling pins. I have to say though,

that that visual cracks me up because my

cousin actually can ride a unicycle.

I was obsessed watching him loop around the

driveway like some circus prodigy. I want to

say he could juggle bowling pins while riding too,

but don't quote me on that because, well,

I'm 50 and memory nuff said.

But as he was showing off, I was over there trying to

figure out how the hell to fold a

fitted sheet. Seriously, if

you know how to fold a fitted sheet, I bow down to you because that,

that shit takes talent, alright? Kidding. Because

at that time I was a. Kid and folding sheets was not

on my radar. Anywho, today's

episode, it's not about talents.

It's about something a lot cooler. You.

Your quirks, your too

muchness, your gloriously weird

midlife magic that the world has been trying

to tone down for years. All

right, story time. Growing up, it feels

really weird saying growing up because at 50, that

seems so long ago. Well, maybe because it

was so long ago. Anyways, I digress. I digress.

So growing up, I was always quote unquote to

something. I was too loud, I was too

emotional, I cried too much, I talked.

Too much, I was too big, I. Took up too much space.

I felt things too deeply. I think you get the gist of what

I'm trying to say. So basically, if there was a quote, unquote,

too much, something available,

somebody would slap that label on me like a sticker that you

would get at the doctor's office for being a good

girl and sitting there and getting a shot or

whatnot. Anyways, for a long

time I believed those. The older

I got and I would hear this stuff over and over,

I began to internalize that. These things

began to be my truths. These were

things that I believed to be facts about me.

Well, they are facts. I mean, I still am too

aloud and too emotional and I'm too big

by society's, you know, quote unquote

beauty and body standards that I think are bullshit. But that's

neither here nor there. Anyways,

I, I just, I believed those. Those were my

facts. Those were my truths. And it affected

my life in so many

ways until I started.

Until I changed my thought pattern on that. So I thought all

of those labels meant that something was wrong with me.

So that caused me to, you know, tone

myself down. I tried to not cry

around people. I tried to be quiet.

You know, I just. I just tried to tone myself down.

I tried to shrink myself. I just tried to be, quote,

unquote, less too much.

And, oh, my goodness, it was exhausting.

So exhausting. All right, so let me talk about

those years that I spent trying to,

quote, unquote, shrink myself. Now, I am not just talking about

in the physical sense of being caught up in diet

culture bullshit. That's a different story

for a different day. But I'm also talking about

the emotional shrinking, the personality

shrinking, basically trying to just be a

palatable version of myself, depending on who I

was around. That meant that.

Depending on what family group I was around,

My mom and dad have been divorced ever since I can

remember. I was very little when they divorced. But I would

try to be one version of myself around my dad's side of the family.

I would try to be one version of myself around my mom's side of the

family. When I was going to church, I had church friends and my church

family, and I was a completely different person with them.

So depending on what version of myself I was

trying to be, I tried to talk less, I tried to feel less, I tried

to cry less, I tried to laugh less. I tried to talk,

you know, if I was talking, I tried to talk

quieter. So literally, I

was. I like to say that I was a

chameleon and literally would change

myself depending on the people that I was around. And

again, that was so exhausting.

And honestly, all it did was

just make me feel worse and worse about myself because

there was so many years of my life that I didn't

know who the hell Tish really was

because I had all these different versions of myself. And again,

it was so freaking exhausting. And

I think, you know, sometimes life in general is

just exhausting enough that when we are trying

to tone ourselves down, shrink ourselves, be

less than that quote, unquote, too muchness

that people label us with, that just adds a whole

nother of exhausting.

To, you know, the level of exhausted that we

may already be feeling. So there came a

point in my life that I shifted my

mindset. Yes. These things that

people labeled me with, again, that too big, too loud, too

emotional, talk too much. You know, all

those things are Truths. Those are facts

about me. But I stopped seeing those as

bad things. Every one of those

things ended up being what I now call my

superpower. Hello, Talking too much and too

loud. Turns out it makes a perfect combination

for being a podcast host. Being in a

bigger body. I use the word fat. I

took that word back when I embraced myself instead of

letting it have this negative

connotation. Is that the word I'm thinking of? Anyways, I use the word

fat. I am a fat, midlife, 50

year old woman. So being in a bigger body, this

became a superpower. Because when I was the body

positive fairy godmother and focused on all of my plus size

confidence stuff, this helped me to show up

unapologetically in a space that

allowed other plus size women to see

that they didn't have to put their life on

hold until they lost weight. They could date,

they could travel, they could wear whatever the hell clothes they wanted.

They could put that bathing suit on, they could take full length pictures.

It helped me show them that it's okay

to take up space in a bigger body. Being too emotional.

I am super. I am just

like, oh man, empathetic. And I

used to host a podcast several years ago called Shining

Self. And I did tons of interviews with

guests and we talked about very deep

topics. We talked about. Oh,

excuse me, suicide attempts. I

believe I had one guest on that. We talked about abortion.

We talked about. A mom

of a drug addict she was on. So we talked

about deep, heavy conversations. And when I say I am super

empathetic, I would walk away from those conversations

emotionally drained because I took on

all of that energy of what they were sharing and I took on

their sadness and their grief. And that's

actually what ended up leading me to stop doing that

podcast because it was just so mentally exhausting for me.

And I love how empathetic I

am because that has caused so many

women to feel safe around me. It has caused them

to open up around me. And

yes, as I just said, there kind of was a

drawback to being this empathetic because I do take on

all that energy, but I've gotten to a better place

where I can, I guess I hate the word balance, but I guess I can

kind of balance it out now. I know what I need to do to

recharge myself and, you know, kind of ground

myself after taking on somebody else's, you know,

grief and sadness, but just

allowing myself to not try to

hide that around me. You would not believe some of the conversations

that women have had with me. And I'm even talking. There have been a

few strangers when I have been out in public places

that have come up to me and we have talked about some

crazy shit and, and I just believe it's

because. Somehow I

put that. I'm not making any sense, what I'm trying to say.

Somehow I put that, you know how empathetic

I am. That vibe is out there. So

it attracts women. And I love that. Like,

it's such a superpower for me. One of the things

that I absolutely love so freaking much about my community.

And hey, if you are not a part of my community, be sure to head

on over to Tishleigh.com right there on

the main page you will see an opt in to sign up for

my mailing list. I would love to have you be a part of my community.

Um, but one thing that I love about this community is

that when I'm sending emails and sharing, you know, my

stories and things that I'm going through, again,

these women feel, at least in my head,

I believe that they think that I'm a safe space. Because

some of the things that these women write back to me and

share with me, oh, man, it makes me emotional just thinking

about it. Because that, like, that's so important

to me. I have said over the years that I have been in

the online space and we are talking. I've been in the online

Excuse me. I'm so sorry. I have a little bit of

a head cold going on.

Like, I have always said that if me

being vulnerable and showing up and sharing the

things that I share, if that makes

one other woman feel less alone,

feel seen, feel, feel validated, feel

heard, like everything that I have

been opening up about and sharing,

if it just makes that one other woman

feel those things, then everything that I do is so worth

it. So, yeah, all of these things

that in my childhood and teen years and

early adult years that people labeled me as, that I

thought were you, you know, bad things that I thought were things

that I needed to change and I tried to change. These

days I claim those as my freaking superpowers.

So, yes, those. All these things about

me can make other people uncomfortable.

But you know what? That's okay. This

is my magic. These are my superpowers. And if these

make somebody uncomfortable, they then they don't need to be

in my space. They don't need to be in my world.

Okay, now that I've rambled about myself, I want to

talk about you because I want you to know

that this is the same. This is true for you

too, my friend. You might have tucked parts of

yourself away for years. Maybe you also

were told that, you know, you're too loud or you talk too much

or you're too emotional to, to whatever. That

maybe you have been told over the years that, you know, you

pushed that version of yourself aside, you tried to tame

that, you know, part of you.

Maybe you know, somebody has told you that you're weird or

your ideas are weird. Okay, here's a little side note.

So speaking of weird. I

am 50 years old and I

still love wearing tiaras sparkly

dresses. I love glitter eyeshadow, I love

glitter lipstick, I love body glitter. I actually think

that there is no such thing as too much glitter or too much bling bling.

And I have been told so many times that it's quote

unquote weird. But my favorite thing that gets

thrown at me is act your age. Tish, you're too

old to be dressing like that or doing this or doing that

or, you know, wearing that sparkly eyeshadow and

body glitter and all that. Honey, this

is me acting my age. And I think telling somebody to act

their age is the stupidest thing that you could tell somebody.

Again, different story for a different day. But

what I'm trying to say is, okay, so maybe somebody told you that you're

too sensitive, you're too emotional, too something,

whatever it is. But those parts of you, those quirks,

those things that are unique about you, they're

your magic, they are your one of a

kind flavor. Those are your superpowers.

And if you need just a little nudge to

bring those parts of yourself back out, or maybe you

have already started bringing them back out, but you still try to kind

of tone them down. Stop.

I want you to just

fully embrace these parts of yourself.

I think one of the most magical things about being a middle

aged woman is. I don't know about you, but

I have really just started to get to the point where I have a whole

lot less Fs to give. I know that as a

middle aged woman there is less time on my

hands and wasting time worrying about

what other people think of me and not doing things or

not wearing things or not saying things that I want to say because

I'm worried what somebody else is thinking. I ain't got no time for that.

So I like to think being middle aged is also a superpower,

ladies, because, hello, we are

just at that stage of life where, I mean, in my opinion

we should give a whole lot less fucks what other people think. I think

we've earned the right to give a whole lot less fucks what other people

think. Because I can't obviously speak for you, but

I can speak for myself. And I spent a whole

lot of my life putting everybody

else first, making sure that I was making

everybody else comfortable again. Going back to all these, you know,

quote unquote, too much labels. I toned those

down to make other people comfortable. And

that's bullshit. Like, we should not, and I hate

shoulding on myself or you, but we

should not live a life like that. That is so

inauthentic and exhausting. When

I finally fully embraced and accepted

these things about me and looked at them in a positive light,

that was just so empowering, so

powerful, and it just took

this weight off my shoulders.

So. Excuse me. Oh my goodness.

What, what I want to leave you with today is stop

toning yourself down. Do not make

yourself shrink. I don't care if that's in the physical

sense, the emotional sense, whatever it may be. Don't make

yourself shrink just to make someone else comfortable.

If somebody thinks you're, quote, unquote, too much

of whatever, then they don't need to be in your

space. So here is a reminder for you. Those

parts of yourself that you used to apologize

for, those are the parts that make you

unforgettable. Those are the parts that are your

midlife magic. Don't hide them away.

Don't tuck them in the back drawer like old jeans that

don't fit. Let them breathe again.

Just. Let yourself fully

be who you are. Okay, that's it

for today, my gorgeous midlife friend. I hope

that you got something out of this episode. If you liked it, I

would love if you would leave a review. Please share it with another

gorgeous middle aged woman. That is how we can

get the show in front of other people. And I would be so very

grateful if you did. And also, I'm always

on the hunt for a podcast guest. If

you would be interested in being on the show with me, head on over to

tishleigh.com and on the navigation

menu you'll see podcast and then there's like a little dropdown

menu right under that. In that dropdown

menu it says something about be a guest or something. You'll anyways, you'll

see it on the website. I would love to have you.