What in the Ever Loving Hell Has Happened to Me?

I am in this weird space…
a pull toward something more… but what?
my soul crying out for something deeper… but again, what?

I haven’t got a clue what my purpose is.
Or what I want to do with the rest of my life.
But then again… did I ever really know any of this?

I need more.
Or do I?
Is it a need or just a wish… a want… a desire?

And how can you need something if you don’t even know what the eff it is…

My brain doesn’t work like it once did…
I forget words.
I can’t always put together a sentence.
I don’t remember why I walked into a room.

And my body certainly doesn’t work like it once did either…

Sneezing requires crossing my legs so I don’t pee myself (and crossing my fingers I don’t throw my back out while I’m at it).
Laughter requires the same.
Hell, it’s just easier to invest in Poise pads than chance it.

How did I get this ache?
All I did was go to bed.

Snap. Crackle. Pop. is no longer about a cereal but my joints instead.

But I’m still here and for that I am thankful.

Is it hot in here?
No?
Okay… must just be my internal furnace kicking on… again.

Uhm… what was I writing about again?
I can’t remember.
I know I had a reason for this…

Oh well.

Welcome to my world… it’s called perimenopause.