What I Wish I Had in Midlife (Right Now)

If my mom or grandma’s had talked to me about midlife and what it would bring my way… I still don’t think I would have been prepared to handle everything.

Midlife is a lot.
Midlife is a crazy wild ride.
Midlife hormones seriously cause some major havoc – physically, emotionally & mentally.
Midlife has caused me to question everything… me, who I am, what I want, what’s the rest of this life supposed to look like?

Midlife has been somewhat of a shit show if I’m being honest.

Now, I do want to say that not all of midlife has looked like this. I didn’t start having “problems” until turning 50 (at the time of writing, I’m soon to be 51).

Despite it being somewhat of a shit show.. midlife has also been magical! ✨

This is when I ditched diet culture and threw the scale away. When I went from hating my body to accepting it – and some days even loving it. This is when I walked in 3 fashion shows as a plus size model. 🔥

Yeah, you read that right. The same woman who used to hide herself and not even look in a full length mirror? She strutted down a runway. Three times.

That’s the kind of magic midlife brings when you stop giving a f*** about what others think, come home to yourself, and stop playing small (aka shrinking into the background/living life on the sidelines)! 💜

Speaking of not giving a f**** that brings me to the next magical piece of midlife…

I’m totally diggin’ this giving a whole lot less f*s than ever before!** 🙌

Sure maybe that sounds cold and callous but damn, I promise it’s been a good thing. It means I give a lot less fs about what other people think of me. It means I give a lot less fs if putting myself first and choosing me/what I want pisses someone else off.

It also means I DO NOT CARE that 99.9% of the time my hair is crazy or that I live in uber comfortable leggings and tank tops (hey tank tops are almost a requirement in midlife because hot flashes… OMG don’t even get me started on those bitches! I feel like I could internally combust at any time because I’m literally burning from the inside out 🔥).

Speaking of DO NOT CARE be sure to check out Melani Sanders and the We Do Not Care Club. She is hilarious and laughter is one of my middle-aged coping mechanisms because some days that’s all I can do is laugh at the f***ing absurdity that midlife can be! 😂 (I just picked up her book – The Official We Do Not Care Club Handbook: A Hot-Mess Guide for Women in Perimenopause, Menopause, and Beyond Who Are Over It too!)

Hmmm all this got me thinking and I asked myself “what do you wish you had in midlife/right now”?

Well, I’m going to tell you (you’re welcome LMAO) – What I wish I had in midlife…

💜 A small intimate group of middle aged friends –

I could sit around shooting the shit with, reminiscing about the best era – 80’s duh! (Man, how I wish I could go back to the 80’s! #kidding #notkidding)

We could have sleep overs and eat junk food and guzzle soda… or not. Because honestly, some nights I just want to be alone with myself. And that’s okay too.

That we could talk openly, without shame or judgement, about all the things going on with our bodies (I mean I can’t be the only one with a dry cooch, lack of sex drive, extreme fatigue, hot one minute freezing the next, happy one second, crying the next, then going off on a complete rage fest the next, or having to wear pee pads because if I sneeze or cough I piss myself… and that’s just to name a few!)

We could encourage each other – I mean hell I’ll hand out stickers for everything each one of us accomplishes each day! I do believe midlife deserves stickers! ⭐

Got out of bed? Sticker! 🌟
Survived another hot flash? Sticker! 🌟
Had a meltdown because you spilled a Diet Coke (oh, just me?!)? Sticker! 🌟
Sneezed and didn’t pee yourself? Sticker! 🌟
Sneezed and peed yourself? Sister that’s worth like 100 stickers! 💯
Had sex because you actually desired it? Phew girlfriend, that’s like probably 500 stickers! 🎉

I think you get the gist… I’ll handout the stickers! Seriously. LMAO

We could laugh, cry, bitch – whatever we needed to do – without anyone trying to fix us! Because if there’s one thing I wish people around me would understand is that I AM NOT BROKEN and DO NOT NEED FIXING. I just need someone to listen and let me do/say what I need to say. End of story. 🎤

I guess that boils down to a safe space. A sanctuary of sorts. Oooh maybe a private, secret sanctuary that only midlife women knew about! A place where we meet whenever we want. A place we talk about our dreams, hopes, etc. A place that is magical in whatever way each one of us needs it to be. ✨

But most of all what I wish I had right now, in this very midlife moment… someone that sees me, hears me, understands me, and gets the things I’m going through. A bestie that walks beside me through each and every one of these midlife ups and downs. 💕

And then it hit me. Holy shit. I don’t just want this… I want to CREATE this. 💥

This is WHO I want to be for other middle-aged women!!! I want to hold space for you. I want to walk beside you. I don’t want to coach you. I don’t want to act like a guru or expert or professional (eeeew gross me out! lol). I want to be your midlife bestie – the one you cry with (seriously you will not cry alone with me around!), laugh with, vent with, share adventures with… on and on the list goes! 🎊

So here I am. Your midlife bestie. Stickers in hand. Ready to walk this wild, messy, magical shit show right beside you. 🌈💜